I'm lying on the carpeted floor of the living room in our new apartment, waiting for the cable people to arrive. We're moving tomorrow morning, so right now the apartment is completely empty. And this is the first chance this week I've had to relax and do nothing. It's a gorgeous day here in Los Angeles - unexpectedly warm (85 degrees) for this time of the year. The sky is a flawless, blue, and lying here in the large living room, next to a long wall lined with windows that come almost down to the floor-level, pretty much all I can see is that beautiful sky, and the surrounding trees. It's very peaceful.

The new apartment is, hopefully, temporary. Although the living room is huge, the rest of the apartment is a bit pokey. But it will do for the month or two we intend to live here. Moreover, we didn't have a lot of choice: it's almost impossible to find a short-term rental which accepts two large dogs.

Life continues to be amazingly stressful, with multiple things going on at the same time. I had to go to New York again this week, just for two nights. I'm involved in two projects there now, both for the same customer I've been working with for 18 months now. I was supposed to be just a developer on the newest of the two projects, but I've been picking up more and more of the reigns of the project over the last few weeks, filling the void left by our distracted technical-lead. Finally, this week, as it became apparent to everybody that I was, in fact, doing the job of a tech-lead, without being tech-lead in name, I asked that to be rectified. I knew I was signing my own certificate of imprisonment by doing this: it will almost certainly mean I'll continue to be traveling back and forth to New York for another six months. I've mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, if I have to travel anywhere on a regular basis, it might as well be New York. On the other hand, it will mean I'll have been doing the same thing for two years, once it's over, and that does very little to progress my career. Oh well.

In the two days since I got back from New York, I've had to balance the demands of that project, along with the other project in which I'm still involved, alongside packing for our move tomorrow, and handling stuff about the house we're trying to buy (yesterday was the house inspection). On top of all that, I had to make time for therapy yesterday, as well, of course, for working out. So now that I have a couple of hours of inactivity waiting for the cable guy, I can see how tired I am. It's been adrenaline that has been keeping me going.

I can't wait for my life to slow down. There has been no real rythym to my life now for a couple of months. And, with going to London over Christmas, then moving into (hopefully) our new house in January, there won't be anything resembling normalcy until February. All this running around leaves hardly any mental time for reflection or creativity. Just about the only time I have for letting my mind roam is when I'm flying to and from New York. I hated that I had to spend seven hours in the air on Wednesday, but it was nonetheless rather delightful to have the time to read half of "The Three Musketeers", which I've never read before. But there has been no time for other things. And looking at my writing, it begins to sound stale, one-dimensional, and overly self-involved.

Things have been hard for Ben too, of course, since he's had the additional burden of selling his own house. And the long-running problem with his good friend, who's going through a major life crisis, keeps rearing up at the most unfortunate moments. I think there's something slightly unhealthy about the way that Ben lets himself be sucked into the other guy's crises. Ben maintains that he can't help feeling empathetic to the guy's situation. But where does empathy end, and enablement begin?

I don't think that any of the constant stress we've both been under has rubbed off on our relationship. We're still getting on very well, and our relationship grows in intimacy. The only thing I regret is Ben's tendency to be rather blunt and impolite when he's particularly tired or stressed. Like just now. He's coming over to relieve me in my wait for the cable guy, so that I can go off and get some work done. He called to confirm that the cable guy hadn't arrived yet, and rang off, when I confirmed it, without even saying goodbye. I'm learning not to take it personally: it says more about Ben than it does about me. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to change his behavior. I'm still very much a novice in intimate relationships, even at my vast old age (this is the last month of my thirties). Thank God I have not one but two therapists (my individual therapist and our couples' therapist) to help me navigate these shoals.