I just talked to Ben, who's in Singapore right now. I'm still amazed that I can call his cell phone in Singapore and get hold of him as if he's in Los Angeles. He's leaving Singapore tomorrow, arriving in San Francisco Saturday morning. It will be the first time he's visited my home in San Francisco, so I'm particularly looking forward to it. And it will be Gay Pride here. B & S, Ben's best friends, are flying in too, so it looks like being a festive weekend. One of these days Ben and I will have a normal, quiet weekend together.

Ben is in awesome physical shape, and, rather ignobly I suppose, it's spurred me to work out harder. I've really been pushing myself these last few weeks, and I feel like I'm starting to see some results, but nothing dramatic. I was talking to a trainer today and he gave me the sad news that the only way to really gain mass is to eat more, and yes, that means putting a little extra weight on my stomach. Sigh. I already knew that, but I can never quite take that step.

This last week, in particular, it's been difficult to fit it all in, because of a confluence of demands on my time. Not just work, of course, but I've been trying to lift weights twice a day, as well as go running. On top of that, it's the Euro 2004 soccer championship, and I've been trying to make time to at least follow the games live on the web. I was actually a little relieved that England got kicked out today, since it means I can let that one go. But, of course, there's Wimbledon too, as well as the San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Film Festival.

As usual, I've seen several movies in the festival, and also as usual it's been about a fifty percent success rate. The one movie that really stood out is called "Eating Out", and if you get a chance to see it, don't miss it. It's a wonderful romantic comedy with great performances, a well-written. witty script, and a duo of the sexiest young male actors I've ever seen in a narrative movie.

I feel, overall, that I'm in a good mood these days, yet sometimes it's brought home to me how fragile my new-found self-confidence is. This whole thing about chatting and flirting with gym acquaintances is new to me, and sometimes still awkward. I'm never sure of the degree of familiarity I can assume; like I've mentioned before, I seem to be missing a gene here. And if I feel as if I've been rebuffed, I almost pout, worrying myself with the sort of bitter, hurt feelings familiar to high-school students the world over. That happened this week when I noticed that for the second time B & S (a different B & S - not Ben's friends) seemed to be, if not avoiding me, then at least making no big effort to cross paths with me. And I've shown them both such friendship. I know that it's likely nothing to do with me - maybe they're having difficulties in the relationship or something, but I'm still easily hurt by such things.

The biggest piece of news of the week is that I finally got the long-delayed promotion I'd been promised. However the news was bittersweet since it came with only a four percent salary increase, which is, frankly, an insult. So I'm going to have to write to my boss, and his boss, and our HR person, and vent. I feel I've been treated shabbily. They didn't announce my promotion to my co-workers. Come to think of it, they didn't announce it to me either; I found out about it only by writing yet another email to my boss asking him when I'd be getting my promotion. Oh, didn't anybody tell you, he said... The tough thing is, though, there's very little I can do about it. It would be impossible for me to get another job in my field with the same salary. Particularly right now. So it looks like I'll just have to lump it.