I'm in a famously good mood, only partly fueled by a coffee high. It's one of those sparkling blue San Francisco days which fills you with joy. My old friend John Paul is visiting from Los Angeles - his first trip back here in six years. And despite feeling, in the latter part of last week, that I was coming down with something, I feel great today after a run in the hills and a good workout at the gym.

John Paul and I have been friends for over eleven years now, and, as this visit underlines, we're so different; it really is surprising our friendship has lasted so long. Take last night: after dinner in the Castro, and a movie, we each went our separate ways - John Paul to a sex club, and me to bed with my Bronte novel. Our friendship is mainly based on conversation, each of us taking delight in our own pet philosophies, and arguing every facet of how our philosophies unwind into daily life.

Tonight, we're having dinner with Brett and then we'll go see "The Day After Tomorrow" After that, John Paul will go to another sex club, Brett will go back to Berkeley and his chickens, and I'll go out clubbing by myself (though I'm sure to run into people I know). I think John Paul seeks in sex clubs, what I cherish in my best clubbing experiences - a moment where we let the walls down and celebrate our common humanity. I find it hard to believe you can have that experience in a sex club, but John Paul swears by it.

(San Francisco, Wed, Jun 2, 2004, 5:45 PM)

The weekend has come and gone, and a beautiful weekend it was, though I missed much of it due to late nights and sleeping in. What little of the nice weather I did see was spent with John Paul in my backyard, which I've just discovered. Ever since I moved in here a year-and-a-half ago, the backyard has been virtually unusable. But I came back from New York to discover that my upstairs neighbors had uncovered the nicely landscaped yard underneath the overgrowth, and suddenly we have a nice little oasis outside. It's amazing what you can discover in your own backyard.

Saturday night was a particularly late one - in fact I didn't get to sleep until ten thirty the following morning, largely on account of an extremely hot and affectionate black guy from Chicago. On Sunday night, I went out again, this time to my favorite monthly event, Fresh, with John Paul. There I ran into almost everybody I know, including people I've never seen at clubs before, like Scott and David, my real-estate agents, and (unfortunately) my ex-boyfriend. The hot guy from Chicago was there as well, and, in the heat of the moment, I promised to come visit him in Chicago soon. Ben (the guy I'm seeing in LA) and I don't yet have any kind of committment, but I realized, in the sobriety of Monday morning, that there was no way I could visit this guy in Chicago and remain truthful with Ben; it just wouldn't be fair.

(San Francisco, Fri, Jun 2, 2004, 8:05 AM)

I finally plucked up the courage to go to the dentists yesterday - for the first time in over five years. I've had a fear of dentists ever since I was a kid, on account of the accident I had one Summer which left me spending so much time in a dentist's chair. After so long away, I was nervous as I sat in the waiting room, listening to the familiar noises of sucking, drilling, and screaming in pain. Well, maybe the latter noise was just in my head. I was fearing the worst: so much inattention to my teeth. What if they all needed to come out? Fortunately, things weren't quite as bad as that. Even the teeth-cleaning was less painful than I expected, and I have only one thing needing attention: a repair to a filling. So I fled the place glad that I'd finally gotten it done.

I've been thinking about having a party. In recent years, I've considered the idea now and then. But always, when it's come time to assemble a guest list, I've realized that I don't really know enough people any more, to have a decent sized party. My therapist has been pushing me to entertain. She sees it as the next step in my social evolution. Over the last couple of years I've gone from being something of a hermit, to being more connected and integrated. When I go out clubbing now, it feels like I know a lot of people. But few of those friendships extend off the dance floor. So the next step, my therapist urges, is for me to try to generate a little more heat in those relationships - to put myself out there. The problem is that it's decidedly a vulnerable position to put yourself in. What if enough people don't come? Well, it's too late for second thoughts, because I've already taken the first step, and sent out an email to my closer friends, canvassing them for dates they can make. The funny thing is that when I developed the guest list, I found it had over fourty names on it. So even if only half of them come, it won't be a disaster, I don't think.

I'm going to our headquarters in the south on Sunday, for a couple of nights, then on to New York for a week. Not long after I come back, Ben is coming up from LA for Gay Pride, and sometime after that, it will be party time.