Photo by Camilo, taken Dec 30, 2003

It's very late right now; at least it is if I go by East Coast time. I'm on my way to New York on a flight that was delayed from 3.45 to 7.15, which means I won't get to bed until at least 4.30 in the morning. I guess I haven't been very lucky in my travels recently. I seem to have a cold, too, possibly the same one I thought I was getting in Palm Springs, but which didn't really materialize until today.

It took me three days to recover from the excesses of the White Party. It made me wonder if it was worth it. However, that didn't stop me going out again last weekend to the only club night I really enjoy in San Francisco, the monthly tea-dance, Fresh, on Sunday. There's a growing number of people I know from going clubbing. Some of them I've seen for years at the gym, and it took seeing each other on the dance floor to break the ice. And many of them were there at Fresh on Sunday, and I enjoyed the easy flirtation, the quick words, the pat on the shoulder, the feeling of cameraderie. I know it's easy to make the claim that it's all artificial. But I prefer to think that people behave that way because they're being their true selves, when the facade of daily self inhibition is stripped away.

Back in the real world, I finally came to my senses this week and decided to buy a house. The notion had started to form when I was in Palm Springs, after talking with the guy I was staying with, who's in real estate. I told him that I'd never wanted to buy because in San Francisco I couldn't afford to buy in any of the neighborhoods I love. He told me that I should go ahead and buy somewhere less desirable anyway, and then in three years or so, use the equity to afford a new house in the right neighborhood. I'd heard this before, but suddenly it made sense to me, and I started to feel ready to make that choice. Since then, I've talked to friends and, of course, my therapist, and I really can't see the downside. Well, apart from the temporary sacrifice of having to move out of the Castro. I can use a loan against my 401K plan for the down payment, so there's really nothing to stop me. So as soon as I get home from New York, I'm going to start looking.

I'm going to try to find a fixer-upper, and take out an additional equity line of credit to finance remodeling it. Maybe I can finally have a bath big enough to accomodate me, and a bathroom sink that's at the right height for my 6'6 frame. For the past few months, I've been getting, without realizing it, into the homebuilding mode by buying home furnishings for my apartment. It's given me so much pleasure to create an environment which feels right to me. My latest purchases were two rugs, bought, on the mind boggingly cheap, at Ikea. It was my first time in an Ikea in fifteen years, and they haven't really changed too much in that time. But I was amazed at the prices. I bought a beautiful large porcelain jug, and a matching small one for a total of $11.00. Not that I needed even one jug, mind you, but at that price who can say no.

But now I can look forward to designing a new environment where I'm not just limited to furnishings. I can't wait.