Time seems to be flying past so quickly. I had all kinds of ambitions on coming to New York, and already almost a month has past and I've been to no performances, only one museum, made no new friends (though some are in the works), done no real writing, nor any local travel.

This if the first time in years where I've been thrust into a new environment and have had to seek out new friends. And I'm finding myself relying on skills that don't seem to be there. Leaving aside the obstacles that anybody in my position would face, I'm finding that my handling of friendship opportunities is rather inexpert.

My friend Josh is visiting this weekend from DC. You couldn't find a greater contrast in abilities than between Josh and I when it comes to establishing friendships. So I unburdened myself to him at brunch today. The thing is, he didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. I was telling him about one guy with whom I'd had pretty good chemistry, but who hadn't returned my call the last time I'd called him. A wink is as good as a nod for me, so I was prepared to take the lack of response as a lack of interest. But, as Josh reminded me, people are fragile beings each distrusting the other's intentions and wary of rejection; that you often have to chose to be the one who persists. I know this from experience.

Just then, the guy I'd only just been talking about walked right past us with a girl. We waved at each other unenthusiastically. Josh urged me to go after him, but the moment passed with me still glued to my chair. Perhaps I'd have gone after him if he hadn't been with the girl.

Josh in City Hall Park

I used to find making friends so easy. Now, I'm either faced with the lack of response; or the other side of the coin, where the person seems somewhat eager to get to know me, but I don't feel too excited about the individual. It's a little pathological. If someone is charismatic and vital, I hold back, unsure that I can fit into their life. But if they're more average - even perhaps a little bland - I lose interest. I think what it comes down to; what it always comes back to, is that, deep down, I haven't truly learned to like people, because I still don't like myself enough. It always returns to this.

The Empire State Building seen from Chinatown

I really enjoyed the beautiful day today. Josh and I see eye-to-eye on the pleasures of the city stroll, and there is no city better for this than New York. Our path today took us from Chelsea, through Greenwhich Village, Soho, Little Italy, Chinatown, Wall Street to Battery Park City and the tip of Manhattan. Such a variety of street life. You always want to see what's round the next corner, and to integrate the whole city into a comprehensible whole.

The Magnificent Court House in Lower Manhattan