It's been nice to be home. I flew in mid-afternoon on Monday, and wasn't due to go back to work until Wednesday, so I had a day and a half to settle in. I've been focussing on returning to my routine of lifting weights and running. Every day, though, I've experienced episodes of shortness of breath, sometimes leading to hyperventilation. They've occurred most frequently after working out, or upon arriving at work. It's somewhat frustrating, but at least they don't scare me any more. I've learned that they can be controlled, either by breathing into a paper bag (to restore carbon-dioxide to the blood), or by taking a tranquilizer (which is my last resort.

On Tuesday, I caught up with my friend Scott for brunch, and, for the first time, I found myself hyperventilating while eating at a restaurant. I tried to look and act normal, but all the while my face was buzzing, my hands were tingling, and my jaw muscles were unwilling to chew normally. It was also the first time I've had a glass of wine for brunch. I needed it.

But, like I said, I'm dealing with it. I'm not letting it interfere too much with my life. I just hope nobody bursts into my office at work when I'm in one of my episodes, since they'd no doubt be alarmed to find me lying on the floor, my legs on my chair, and a paper bag taped over my mouth.

I'm seeing a pulmonary specialist this week, but I really feel that the whole thing is mental. Either some deep-seated anxiety is at work, or it's just self-perpetuating. I think about hyperventilating, therefore I hyperventilate.

The breathing issue apart, I'm feeling fit and strong again. A week of hard work at the gym has done wonders for my mental health. And now Spring is hitting here, with even a couple of warm evenings, and I'm finding my nether regions tingling too, though not from hyperventilation. I'm planning on going out dancing tonight with Stephen, a guy I met a few weeks ago who's becoming my clubbing buddy. I feel like a big kid right now. But I'm taking my paper bag and a tranquilizer with me just in case.

The biggest thing I've done this week is just to slow down. I'm trying to deliberately cultivate a sense of ease. In the evenings, rather than busy myself over film scripts and plans, I'm lying in the window overlooking the garden, reading a good book.

Yet these are stressful times. It's very hard to forget there's a nasty war taking place right now, and I have real fears about how things might escalate, as I'm sure most of us do. And I have to do my darned taxes too. I'm not trying to compare the two things. But there are some obligations we can't release ourselves from no matter how much we just want to smell the roses.