I've held off on writing this journal entry for a while. I'm not really a superstitious person, but one private choice I sometimes make is to not jinx positive developments in my life by talking about them. But I think I've held off long enough, and Valentine's Day seems the perfect opportunity.

No, I'm not hitched. You probably thought that my preamble was all about saying that I'd found the love of my life. That's not the case. Or, I don't know, maybe it is, come to think of it. It certainly feels that way sometimes. I find myself in the elevator at work in a bubbly mood, the kind of mood where you feel so expansive that you want everyone around you to share your joy. I'm singing in the shower, my bad, very bad Frank Sinatra. I'm smiling with crinkles when somebody holds the door for me. I'm overjoyed when an old friend tells me his own good news. I feel connected.

Sounds like I'm in love doesn't it? Certainly, the last time I recall feeling like this consistently was when I was last in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. But I'm as single as I've ever been. And yet, apart from a couple of periods of illness, for most of the past few months, my cup runneth not only over, it runneth amok. I'm so full of life and energy at times that I feel faint and giddy, like I'm about to explode. What am I on?

The causes of all of this are fairly straightforward. I invested a lot of time last year in trying to find solutions for some of the root problems in my life; in particular the debilitating fatigue I've felt for most of my adult life, and also my disconnected, urban loneliness. I found a specialist in chronic fatigue who, month by month, has determined and addressed the underlying causes of my fatigue. I started seeing a therapist regularly who has pushed me to take risks, socially, that I thought I was too shy and withdrawn to take. And from the Fall of last year on, it all started to come together. Not only do I have many new friendships and connections in my life, but I have more energy, and hence more self-confidence. And I'm enjoying the new me; I'm finally learning to love myself.

So this Valentine is to myself. When you're in love, and you bathe in the warm knowledge that somebody finds you special, and accepts you as you are, that's what fills you with that bubbly feeling, the feeling that you want to give back to the world. And that's the feeling I'm recognizing in myself right now. Only it's coming from my own self-esteem. Dare I say it? Dare I say for the first time in years that I'm a happy person?