So yesterday morning, I thought I was a creative genius, knocking out a funny little five-page screenplay in an hour. By the evening, after an agonizing afternoon struggling with the first five pages of the feature-length screenplay I have to write for class, I came to a different conclusion. Those new pages stink! I'm trying to convince myself that it's just a matter of inexperience, but an equally valid conclusion is that the cute screenplay of yesterday morning was a fluke.

The bit I find the hardest about screenplay writing is the stuff you have to do to move the story along or establish the character. Unless you have a whole, complete, rich, organic story which contains enough twists on which to hang all the storytelling components of a screenplay, you end up with a couple of good acts preceded by scenes of mundane drivel, where your helpless protagonist is doing meaningless acts which have no other purpose than to establish his goals or his homelife and friends. In the stuff I wrote yeterday afternoon, my character, Christian, has a business meeting...

INT. -- OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM -- NOON

 

Christian looks at his watch. He sits at a conference table, with three young,

dot-com types. He claps his hands.

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            Okay, we've got three minutes left. Quickly, round the

            table, repeat your action items to me.

                       

                        DOT-COMMER-1

            Set up the integration environment. Oh, and the transfer

            routines between server and clients.

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            And?

                       

                        DOT-COMMER-1

            (looks at his notes)

            Err...

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            The ftp software on the server. And make sure you give

            everybody the server address. Next?

                       

                        DOT-COMMER-2

            (eagerly)

            Unit-test all the batch routines with the new data.

 

Christian's eyes slide quickly over to DOT-COMMER-3.

                       

                        DOT-COMMER-3

            Hook-in the interface.

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            To what?

                       

                        DOT-COMMER-3

            The batch programs.

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            We'll make programmers out of you guys yet. Now I have

            to run.

 

Christian gets up from the table and walks out. He pops his head back round the

door.

                       

                        CHRISTIAN

            Oh, and have a good Holiday.

 

The dot-commers look at each other.

Are you yawning yet? And pity the poor actors who'd get to play the nameless "dot-commers." This is tough. My only consolation is what the teacher says: "Your first complete screenplay, you'll write it, and then you'll put it in the bottom of a drawer and never take it out again." I didn't believe him at the time, but I guess he's right.