For once, I have no idea what I'm going to write about today. Usually, it's obvious to me. In fact, I wouldn't normally even sit down to write unless I had something I wanted to say. The hardest times to write, though, are when I'm feeling tired and depressed (which isn't the case today), because then, I'd really rather not write anything, if all I'm going to write about is so negative.

Today, though, I'm feeling good. Yesterday, I took the day off work to start my vacation a day early. My generous employer gives everybody the week off every Christmas, so I don't have to report in again until 2002, which is enough to make even the grumpiest employee love his boss. I suppose that recently, in any case, I've become somewhat reconciled to my job. That word "reconciled"; doesn't it imply that I was formerly "conciled", then "unconciled" and now once more conciled? I find that "conciled" isn't a word, though.

It's not that suddenly I'm happy with the job. Far from it. I know that it's not a long-term solution. But in the absence of opportunities elsewhere in the current economy, it could be worse than to have a good paying job which gives so much time at work to do extra-curricular activities. Well, at least until recently. On Wednesday, my long-awaited project finally began for real. It's been brewing for months now. In fact, it was supposed to be a five week project that was due to finish December 15th, but the lawyers from both sides spent all that time haggling. Now we've really started, though, and on Wednesday, I drove up the Peninsula to our customer's big office campus in Cupertino, and kicked off what we call "Requirements Definition", which is basically a process of interviews to figure out exactly what the customer wants from us.

I'm very good at my job. I don't say this to boast; it's just a central truth to my work life, and it's what motivates me. I enjoy doing good work, and I enjoy the fact that I'm capable at it. Which I suppose is why I get so unmotivated when there isn't any work to do. It's funny, though, because during requirements interviews like this, there's always this little guy inside of me watching me perform.

I see myself asking these (often high-ranking) business guys complex questions about their internal processes, I see myself covering all the bases, leaving no stone unturned, and that little guy inside feels proud of me. But he's also one heck of a critic, and he silently lambasts me for being a smart-ass. Then I stare into the faces of the people I'm interviewing, and the little guys inside thinks he sees a kind of stunned silence. As if I've given them so many things to think about they don't know where to start.

Then I come back to the office and start assembling the pages and pages of notes I've taken, and I discover a whole new set of questions I need to ask. So I send off a two-page email. The little guy inside says, they're really gonna think you're smart now! Then he smacks his own hand for being so prideful. (It's tough having all these voices in your head, by the way :)

Anyway, enough of the business world. Tomorrow it's my birthday, Twenty-nine again, of course. Like many of you, I have a kind of love hate relationship with this time of year. I'm not crazy about Holidays in general, because I'm usually alone on them. But I do love the look and feel of Christmas, the trees and the lights that remind you of childhood, the sudden Christmas song you'd forgotten about that you hear when passing a store. Last night, I caught a few phrases of Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" and it brought sudden tears to my eyes.

But I am looking forward to my week off. It's rare that I get the chance to spend a week at home with no work obligations, so I'm planning on getting a lot done. Fun stuff, like reorganizing my closets (my apartment is so small that it's a constant challenge to find places for stuff), pruning this web site (which at 300mb has outgrown the disk space my web host allows me), producing VHS, CD and online versions of my latest movie (tentatively called "thanksgiving (no turkey)"), and even, maybe, going on a date. Yes, a date, me! I recently decided I could do with some affectionate encounters with a cute guy in a nice sweater :) So I posted my profile on Planetout.

With that, it just remains for me to wish everybody a very Happy Christmas!
Luv, Keith.