DISCLAIMER While it might seem, from this journal entry and the last, that Keith is a TVaholic, in actual fact, neither Keith, nor any of his subsidiaries are TVaholics. Apart from the occasional rerun of "Cagney and Lacey" and "The Waltons", Keith watches hardly any live television. Admittedly, he is an absolute wizard at programming a VCR, but even then, he only regularly records the following programs:

• The Sopranos
• The Real World
• Road Rules
• WWF Tough Enough
• The West Wing
• The X-Files
• Big Brother
• Survivor
• English Premier League Soccer on FOX Sports

Note, Keith reserves the right to add the upcoming UPN series "Enterprise" to this list. Keith Cam also denies being a geek.

A couple of months ago, I came across an MTV show called "WWF Tough Enough". It was about wrestling. I'm not a fan of wrestling. Really, I'm not, although my Dad and I used to watch it on TV in England, when I was a kid. Anyway, WWF Tough Enough was a new reality show that followed a group of young athletes training and competing for a contract with the WWF. As in other reality shows, these young men and women lived together, but, for once, the show wasn't about conflict, rather about their earnest desire to fulfil their dreams of becoming WWF "superstars."

I've grown to love this program, for two reasons. The first is that by the accidents of interpersonal chemistry, there have been touching moments of male emotional intimacy between some of the guys. For the most part, all of the kids taking part in the show have been tremendously admirable, with sterling values and character, strong personalities and incredible physical courage. They can't help but respect and admire each other, and their bond to each other is almost tangible.

There's one guy in particular, called Josh, who's possibly the sweetest, most cuddly boybabe in MTV history. He has the sex appeal of Eric Nies but apparently is unaware of it. He's the slightest, physically, of all the guys, and it was cute to see one of the biggest guys take him under his wing as a kind of younger brother. When the big guy had to give up his dream to be a wrestler because of serious back trouble, Josh was devastated, and the two of them held each other in a long, tearful embrace. It was the kind of real male affection that you don't see a lot of, outside of the realm of TV movies of the week and gay romantic comedies.

The other thing that draws me into the show is the physical toughness of these kids, and their drive and shear enthrallment with wrestling. I don't have a lot of physical courage. For instance, I would never go skydiving, or bungee-jumping. I did once go on a roller-coaster, but never again. This was during a date in Santa Cruz shortly after I moved to SF. I got on the thing, and as soon as it started up realized I'd made a big mistake. I truly thought I was going to die.

If I was placed in a situation where I had no choice but to do one of these things, then I'd probably do it because I don't have the courage to appear as a coward. That same attitude used to get me into terrible trouble as a kid. I was always getting into fist fights because I'd be more scared of appearing afraid than I would be of getting beaten up. And the main problem with that is that I'd lose all coordination when I got into a fight, and would, indeed, get beaten up. I really had no physical side to me back then - my body was simply a useless sack to be carted around with my brain, not something to be celebrated.

Even then, there were some things I was so scared of, that the fear of being called a sissy wasn't enough to make me do what I was scared of. I lived a very outdoors life when I was a young boy, and, with my friends John Bell and James Delaney, I'd spend all my Summer days scampering about the cliffs and rockpools by Frenchmans Bay, on the NorthEast coast of England (we lived only about a mile away from the cliffs). Unfortunately, we'd often end up playing Dare, and my friends would push me to leap these yawning chasms between big rocks. I just couldn't do it - I was too afraid. Funnily enough, I went back to Frenchmans Bay last year when I visited my home town, and those "huge rocks" and "yawning chasms" seemed so tiny and pitiful!

I guess it's good that adult city life doesn't force you to confront your physical fears. I haven't been in a fist-fight recently, though, a few years ago, a guy did grab me by the scruff of my neck when I wouldn't let him merge into my lane of traffic. As for wrestling, I can't see myself emulating the kids on WWF Tough Enough, except when Brett comes over and tries to pin me on the bed. And I'm MUCH bigger than he is, so the poor sucker doesn't stand a chance.