It's just past nine-thirty on Saturday night, and I'm home for the evening. Something tells me I won't be going to Club Universe tonight. I just saw Brett off on his way back to Berkeley. I did make an effort in my continuing campaign to get him to go to Universe at least once. But my yawns gave away what was, at best, a half-hearted effort.

We had our usual quiet Saturday evening - dinner at Fuzio, then a movie, a beautiful, heartfelt little movie called "Big Eden". It was the fairly unlikely story of an artist who returns to his tiny little home town in Montana when his grandfather has a stroke, and who then is pulled into a gay love triangle, with the help and conniving of pretty much the whole town. Like I said, an unlikely tale :)

On Friday night, I went with Hunter to see the Joe Goode Performance Troupe. They're an unsual dance/theater group - really like nothing else I've seen. I'm finding words difficult tonight, for some reason. I keep starting sentences only to find I don't know how to end them. For this reason, I won't describe the whole evening, but I have to mention the final piece, "Take Place", which was deeply moving. It was the only piece in which Joe Goode performed, and when he walked into the midst of his dancers wearing a disheveled suit, and lit up a cigarette, you knew he was going to start speaking in his warm, humane baritone.

He has this way of combining repeated, beautifuly enunciated phrases, with movement, and sound and dance that can be very affecting. In this piece, which was about the true meaning of place, as embodied by the trees and the mountains, his phrases finally disintegrated into a wordless, syncopated riff of resonant joy; as deep musical chords played, and his dancers moved gracefully against the massive backdrop of a huge tree, he slowly walked off stage, with his back to us, his arms flinging in time with his voice, It's no good - my words cannot cut it at all tonight. I guess you had to be there. It's truly frustrating to not be able to get you to feel something of what I felt. Maybe I'm trying too hard :)

I still haven't resolved the issues from last weekend coming from my unhappy moment with my friend, where I said something very hurtful. I know that I should send an email because there are some pieces to the puzzle my friend is missing. But I'm kind of a coward, at times, when it comes to confrontation. I want to write, but I'm scared of what I'll get back in return. I'm starting to feel, too, that my friend has overreacted. What I said was unquestionably very hurtful, but it was the truth - a truth I shouldn't have spoken, I know, but not one that negates all of the good things in our friendship. Anyway, I'm too chicken to deal with it right now. Don't know when I'll grow up. If it starts to happen, you'll be the first to know :)