After a long sleep last night, and a heavy breakfast this morning, I was sitting on my bed, still feeling very sleepy, trying to decide whether I had the energy to go running or not, when there was a knock on the door, which turned out to be from my brother. I knew he was going to come over this morning, but I had no idea he'd be on time! Still, he did save me from having to go running.

We took the train together to St. Albans. Today was the Big Reunion - the first time that all six of the immediate family would be together in, amazingly, ten years or more. Sally met us at the train station and took us over to Kirstie's place, where Neil and I had our first encounter with Kirstie's crazy collie dog. Finally, we all drove over to St. Albans Abbey to meet Mam and Dad. No, they don't live in the Abbey, although they love the place so much, you'd think so! Today, the cathedral bells were clanging out in lovely but deafening unpredictability.

Neil playing with Kirstie's dog (whose name I (obviously) forget.

The four kids

I just realized that the previous photo was almost identical to this one, the last time we were all together, in 1989. Amazing similarity in pose, although my siblings all seem to have had bigger hair back then. And I can't believe how incredibly skinny I was!

The big reunion, finally. But 4+1+1 just makes six, no more.

We ended up all going for lunch in a pub named the Pea Hen, which wouldn't have been my choice. The menu offered "cod and chips", "ham, egg and chips", "vegetable dish" (I can't imagine what that is) and other delights. So I found myself not only reverting to the fun-making kid I grew up as, but also reverting in my diet.

Only reversion can explain why I ate this!

And what did we all talk about together after ten years? The usual family myths: the time Mam accidentally stabbed Dad in the chest with a knitting needle; the time Neil sat on my face when I was a baby and nearly suffocated me; the Boilerman whom Neil and I used to think lived under our bathroom everytime we heard our hot-water-heater going.

We all went on the same walk around the lake, and through St Michael's Village that I did on my previous two trips up last week. It's a nice walk, and there's absolutely nothing else to do in St. Albans, so I didn't mind too much. It was too cold to do much else - really, this weather was more like what you'd expect in April - cold and grey.

I was relieved when we all declared ourselves tired and called it a day. I'd been feeling extremely tired all day long - this was one of the first days on this trip where I felt like I had no energy. So our reunion was at an end, and who knows when we'll all be together again?

Neil and I took the train back to London together, mostly in silence. He's still a stranger to me, I guess. I was thinking of him heading back to Normandy on Tuesday, where he's living for a year looking after a friend's garden, and trying to write his first novel. He doesn't seem to have the internal life to provide for writing. Yet he also earned a degree in history while working full-time. I realize that I simply don't know anything about what makes him tick - that although he seems all surface, there must be something under that surface that explains the writing and his drive to get his degree. But what that is, I don't know.

I still get the strong sense of him that he thinks I'm not worth bothering with. He barely even listens to me when I try to tell him something, and I'm left with my mouth flapping. It annoys me even more that this behavior still rankles with me. I even think about challenging him on it. But our family don't have conversations like that.

As we parted at King's Cross Station, I realized that it's impossible to feel any affection for him, so high is his self-regard. Yet two different men have been in love with him for many years each since his boyhood. They must have known a different Neil.

(2008 note: again, as with Sally, but even more so, I have to update this. I still don't say that I really understand Neil, but since he met his partner Simon, he seems to be a different person, and Ben and I have both enjoyed the times we've spent with them. Neil came to my comittment ceremony in 2005 and was my best man, by which I was very touched.)

Back in London, I felt exhausted, and was more than happy to lie down and just watch the soccer. This morning, I woke up feeling very horny, and I decided that tonight I'd go out for a drink. I don't know if I'm going to have the energy for that, though. I guess you'll find out if you tune in tomorrow :)

Back in the hotel, exhausted.