I woke up to the sound of rain - the first real rain this part of Texas has seen in over a month.

Morning rain

It made the commute a lot slower, of course, but I screwed myself to make it even slower. I have the world's worst sense of direction. This morning was the third time I'd made the same drive, to our office. The other two days I'd gotten it right - a long wait in the left-turn lane then shoot across the overpass to get on 360. Today, inexplicably, I made an extra left turn and ended up on 183. I was obliged to make a quick exit, circle round and wait all over again to make my original left-turn.

Things are no better in the Austin office for me. After three days here, I still have to double back to locate the copy room. What is scary is that my sense of direction is getting worse!

Getting lost again ...

I was particularly tired this morning, so during the slow morning commute, I tried to distract myself by searching for signs of intelligent life on the radio dial. Jesus Christ seemed to be broadcasting on every channel, speaking in tongues on at least one channel, and singing country and western on the others.

The main reason I was so tired is that it had taken me forever to get to sleep last night. Some frat boys had moved in next door and, well, boys will be boys. I'd tried all my usual tricks to fall asleep - melatonin, Trollope :) I even turned on the television for the first time this trip. What is it with hotel televisions? Always the same few cable channels everywhere you go - TNT, CNN, HBO and the Weather Channel.

That got me thinking about all the other pet peeves I've grown accustomed to in hotels. Such as the limited cable choice. What gets me even more disgusted is that they always say something like: "For your convenience, we have CNN, TNT, HBO and the bloody Weather Channel" when really it's for their convenience! And they always have sexpot movies for straight guys - what about equal opportunity for gals and gays? :)

Other pet peeves - why do they replace the soap every day? When I showered this morning, there was a perfectly adequate, barely used chunk of soap. I come back tonight, and I have to unwrap another one - for the fourth time this trip! Anyway, I did eventually get to sleep last night, still grumbling in my dreams about hotels. One of the curses of having been a programmer for a decade is that you always notice the little niggling things that make no sense, and then you want to complain to someone in the hope of "process improvement". Speaking of sleep, gonna have a little disco nap now, since Bryan is picking me up around 11.15 tonight so that we can go out.

Jeez, it's been ... a long time since I last went out. I think I still remember how to do it though - just pathologically ignore any guy I'm interested in, even if he shows interest in me :)

Just about the only time I enjoy going out is the unusual occasion where I'm visiting another city and I go out with a local friend. For some reason the novely of it, and the comfort-level of being there with someone who knows the local places (and the locals!) combine to free me up to enjoy myself and be more liberated than usual. That's certainly what happened last time I went out in Texas, where I had a wild time!

Before taking my disco nap, there was something else on my mind this morning. Last night, I read some of Bryan's journal for the first time in about a year. In truth, I was looking for the entry where he mentioned me :) I didn't find that one, but I did read some things that changed my understanding of him. I realized that he and I were really a lot alike, in many ways. In fact, I read whole sentences that I'd used almost verbatim, "forcing myself to be social" being the most prominent example I recall.

This morning, I found myself thinking of Bryan with a surprising amount of what I can only describe as tenderness. I realize that Bryan is not really someone I could date - we live too far apart for one thing. Moreover, he's not exactly in the dating market right now! And, of course, I have no knowledge that he feels any attraction to me. What really made me think, however, was that this morning's recognition of feelings of affection towards someone I knew more from his online journals than anything else, immediately reminded me of many emails I've myself received from people who've expressed similar feelings towards me after reading my journals.

So was I just having feelings for a celebrity - an act which had always seemed to me to be just a little bit emotionally immature? After all, I'd only just met the guy, and didn't really know him at all. When I asked myself that question it made me realize that what I'd done is bypass that stage of getting to know someone which is usually interactive. And that's what the journal supplies - a massive download that you can then integrate into a whole person with the additional clues that live interaction brings.

Hmmm. Now I'm thinking back to my recent decision to try to steer someone I'm dating away from reading my online journal. Maybe there's nothing wrong, after all, with accelerating the process like that. More thought required, I think.

I just caught site of the front-page of the New York Times to see that my favorite author, Patrick O'Brian has died. That makes me truly sad. His writing has brought me such escapism, so many moments of wonder, excitement, laughter, and identification with humanity. He's always the author I turn to when I'm feeling down or under stress. I'm going to try to put together an online tribute to him, when I get back home.