Last night I went to my trainer Cecilia's mother's birthday party. It sounds stranger than it was - it was really just an excuse for Cecilia and her friends to get together and get plastered via champagne, which is what most people did. I hadn't drank any alcohol in a couple of weeks so I'm kind of surprised that my three glasses didn't put me over the edge. Larry was there, whom I haven't seen in months. Larry is or was Cecilia's best friend and we had an abortive little fling a couple of years ago. I've always really liked Larry - he's the kind of guy who draws you in - very charismatic. I always figured we had a good chance at being friends despite our lack of romantic sparks - we have a love of literature in common, and always have a good laugh. But for some reason, although we click well when we see each other, we've never truly developed a friendship independent of Cecilia, and I think it's mainly my fault. (That's right Keith, blame everything on yourself!) Being the magnetic person he is, he leads quite a whirl of a social life and I guess my insecurities see me not fitting into that life, which keeps me from calling him.

I'm in rather a bad mood since not only am I very tired, from not sleeping well, but I overdid it on the tennis court this morning, and then cricked my shoulder at the gym and have had to lie down all afternoon with only a heating pad for company. And I'd had such plans too. Oh well - I guess an afternoon of doing nothing was in order.

While lying with my heating pad this afternoon, I came across a movie with the much younger Dermot Mulroney kissing this girl. Lord, I realized how long it's been since I kissed a guy in passion. And I surprised myself by also realizing how much I missed it. Over the past twelve months, it's been far from my mind, as I've focused so strongly other things. Now I'm beginning to think it would be nice to have some romance and affection in my life again. It's a dangerous feeling - I hate feeling that kind of desire or need. Maybe if I leave it untreated it will cure itself :)